"Am i not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do i cry too much?
Am i too outspoken?
Don't i make you laugh?
Should i try harder?
Why do you see right through me?"
Irony. That's what made me fell ridiculously in love with the stage. Cos at some point in your life, you would be what you were trying to be. It isn't roles that you're playing, its a facet of life that you're reflecting and it could very well be your own pain you're trying so hard to feel. You may not live the rich and fanciful life of Juliet but you could well be someone who could never be fortunate enough to be with the one you loved the most. That's the beauty of the stage. You get to be everything you have been/could have been. Yet its been a long long time since i ever felt that way. It was a short love affair and it lasted for just 4 fleeting years, but really, those years were the most enchanting part of my life and it seems i can never find it back again. Its been gone for a long time but it comes back to haunt me in many ways and the above is one of them. A song, a w0rd, a random name of someone i met, a place where it all began... they all evoke a sudden rush of euphoria. And i get lost in it. Whisked away into my memories that i share with no one.
There are so many things i wish i could be to so many different people, things i know could never be. The impossibility of it bothers me so much sometimes. I've never given thought to what i've ever wanted to be, to myself. That's just like an actor isn't it? We can only be what the people wants to see...we can't be ourselves...we can never be.
I wish i could find you back and we could start all over again. I haven't moved on. But i guess its not meant to be.
