Strange, but i've never written anything about this day before...until now. Its supposed to be a start to a new year ahead but to me, that day only brings back pain, the pain of having to watch someone you love so much, drifting away day by day. It was the first time i watched someone i loved so dearly, pass away right in front of me. The days that followed were denial and even more pain. I only remember waking up, thinking it was all a dream, that she was still somewhere near, just that i couldn't find her. And today, it came back again, the same feeling that she's not gone, she's still here, somewhere.
I knew i wanted to take that module cos i wanted to learn how to deal with cancer, death and bereavement, issues that were so real and prevalent in our daily lives, issues we all know about but choose not to talk about it cos we're so afraid about it. Yet i didn't know it would hit me so hard in the face, that it would bring all the painful memories back once again. And i wasn't at all prepared, to have those feelings dug out again, to have to relive those memories. It was terrible. Feel like a coward cos i refuse to face it despite wanting to take this very useful course.
I don't even want to talk about it now.
